The Ultimate Result of Ambition...

I am absolutely loving the transition from summer to fall and wish time would slow down a bit.  This year is rushing by and there's so much to take in.  The goal this year has been to learn more about love and in addition to doing so I've learned a lot about myself, what I want, and my motivations.  Figuring out where to channel my ambition and motivation has been the most difficult part.  I thought my life purpose was to be a big music executive and to have hit songs published.  Although I still love music and like to place songs for fun it doesn't give me that sense of a greater purpose.  My experience in the music business for the past 4 years has jaded me after seeing/ hearing about the ugliest things.  Of course any industry has its bad parts but I haven't felt like I'm really contributing to some greater good by being where I'm at.  Maybe I'll find a fulfilling career in music but as of right now it's important to find what will give me authentic joy and peace.

Fulfillment has been my goal yet outside of music I didn't know myself.  That's all I obsessed about and although I still love music the lifestyle, people, and "game" has me really questioning if it will ultimately make me happy.  Things I enjoy are being creative, having flexibility in my schedule, going outdoors, reading, learning, growing, brainstorming, executing plans for my future, and more.  This year I went to a painting class, sewing class, started re-learning Italian (I promise to pick it up again!), and reading like no other.  Trying to create a new world with a passion other than music was fun yet made me feel chaotic.  Without a clear purpose or direction I felt like my ambition was pointless until I came across this line (from Simple Abundance):

In critical reasoning courses using infinite words like all or none are strongly discouraged because only in rare cases can anyone truthfully use either term (ex: "All dogs have 4 legs" isn't true in all cases so it's faulty reasoning to make a statement like this).  In the spiritual sense it's more than ok to use all because God is the master of infiniteness...He can make anything possible.  So going back to the saying "the ultimate result of all ambition is to be happy at home" is such a bold and solid statement.  Make all your ambition stem from the desire to have a happy life, home, and soul.  Work to support your desire for a welcoming home, pray and spiritually grow in order to provide support and enlightenment to those you love, and actualize your dreams in a way that you can help the common good while living your passion.

Whatever my goal in life, the energy and love put into those efforts should somehow contribute to my happy home (home can mean your literal, physical home or your soul).  I'm my happiest when I'm spiritually in tune with God, when I spend quality time with those I love, or when my actions are contributing to something greater.  This saying has made me re-evaluate everything in my life and question my motives behind why I do or have certain things.  It's so energizing and freeing to act and not be acted upon.  Anything that doesn't contribute to joy will have to change or I must change my attitude in order to receive more joy from life.  

Either way, I can feel the Lord guiding and molding me piece by piece.  I trust in Him enough to know that all He needs is time and an open heart to work with me.  Sure my timeline will be different from others but that's ok.  I have my own story to write and can't wait to see how the Lord guides my ambition.

Note to Myself

• Live for something greater.  
• Respect yourself enough to make joy your top priority.   You won't be happy holding yourself back or thinking less of yourself in order to keep certain people in your life.  They will stay if they're meant to.  
• You can choose what inner dialogue affects your life.  Is fear and insecurity overwhelming you?  You don't have to believe it.  If what you feel doesn't inspire you or make you feel good about yourself then ignore it.
• Let it go.  You can't change how people feel or how your life unfolds.  You can control your thoughts, your actions, your reactions, and your relationship with the Lord.  Focus on those.
• Be gentle to yourself and allow the authentic you to develop.  Don't rush through the process of change or growth.  There's room for improvement but it's a life long journey not a short stop along the way.  Love yourself for who you are in this moment.
• Jump and cling to faith in Jesus knowing He can perform all miracles and make what seems impossible possible.  I've had numerous situations feel impossible to overcome yet, through faith in Christ, I was led to a solution that wouldn't have crossed my mind had I not prayed and trusted.  You can't be strong on your own.  Only the Lord can provide the strength you need.
• When you see other people living a life you want, who look incredibly happy, don't feel sorry for yourself and wish that was you.  Celebrate that someone found their joy in life...they probably took a risk to get it.  Take it as a manifestation of the hope that someday you'll have enormous amounts of joy and others will wish they had your life.  
• Refuse to be a spectator.  Jump fully into your life and live as if time is the only thing you have...because it is.  At the end of the day your occupation, money, things you own, and health won't matter.  What will matter is how you feel about the life you lived when you're really old. Did you love as fully as you wanted to?  Did you spend your time wisely?  Did you go after your dreams big or small?