Happy Halloween!

No huge plans tonight but I am excited to see all the kiddies in the neighborhood dressed up.  Be safe!  Thought I'd leave a quote for the day:

"When we are inspired by another it is because we recognize greatness within ourselves." - Lolly Daskal

One Step at a Time

So yet another new week and I find myself trying to figure out how to make the most of it.  There's so many things going on in my brain it's hard to know where to begin.  Today I stumbled across Edith Head (thanks to Google's homepage) who was a famous costume designer and the only female to ever win 8 Academy Awards in a lifetime.  I wasn't expecting much when I clicked on the link to her biography but it turns out she started a fire within me.  It's easy to admire someone's story but they too had a moment of not knowing how their life would turn out.

To overview her educational life, she graduated high school in Los Angeles and attended the University of California, Berkley where she obtained a degree in letters and sciences with honors in French.  She then got her Master's in romance languages and moved on to become a language teacher specifically in French.  With a desire to earn more money, she applied to be an art teacher, in addition to French, even though she had no real background or experience in it.   She took a night class to brush up on her rudimentary drawing skills and started teaching.  Somewhere within this time, she discovered her passion in sketching costumes so she applied to the Paramount Pictures costume department and was miraculously hired with no prior experience.  She later admitted to borrowing a student's sketchbook to get the job but has since proven herself a legend in her own right.

Now I'm not condoning taking another's work or pretending to be super skilled to get a job but her path made me realize a couple things.

1. If you want to do something in life go for it and if you don't have the natural skill it's ok.  You can learn it!  Putting time into any art or skill can pay off for a lifetime.  Small steps amount to bigger things.  There's no rush.

2.  Everything you do in life is setting you up for your calling.  The small things you do each day have meaning.

I've been in a rut as to how to spend my time and where to direct my efforts and because of my indecision feel like I'm wasting time.  Just reading her brief bio showed me how small steps lead to the bigger picture.  Her credentials look impressive but I'm sure she went through a period of questioning and uncertainty.  She could've been nervous teaching art (maybe second guessed it) knowing she in fact wasn't even qualified by the world's standards.  Her story is incredible but I wish we could discover how she felt in between each life decision.

It gives me hope that as I find my passions, experiment, and think of where to invest my time that things will fall into place.  It also gives me hope that any job or path I take isn't the end of the road because I can always change.  Every skill I learn, job I take, and passion I discover will lead me to my calling.  I strongly believe that those who have achieved wonderful things had a huge amount of faith more than anything else.  They had the right mixture of courage, skill, and luck to make them successful in their lives.  I imagine inspirational people like Edith Head had faith and also believed she had something of value to contribute to this world.

This week I plan on painting a picture of my ideal life and working backwards from there.  What do I need to do each day to attain the life I want?  I know it's time to start small and build something great. Whether it's 30 minutes of Italian lessons a day or writing songs for 15 minutes a day at least it's something.  Here we go :)

Fuzzy Fridays

A small obsession of mine involves fuzzy and cute things.  Namely puppies.

Get ready for cuteness overload!  I can't think of a better way to start the weekend.

Thoughtful Thursday: Surrender. Let go. Be free.

I'm grateful for the ways the Lord shows me he's listening.  This week it's come in the form of friends saying exactly what I've needed to hear.  Below are the two things that have touched me this week.  If you have any quotes or thoughts that have touched you I would love to hear them!

#1:

My friend Jessel and I were catching up on the phone recently and I mentioned to her my current journey of self-discovery and how at moments it's been tough, uncomfortable, and unsettling.  What she said really hit home: 

"Look at a forrest of trees and how beautiful they are.  Now imagine if we replaced their limbs with plastic ones and added different parts.  It wouldn't look right or as beautiful.  People are the same way.  When we're natural and comfortable with ourselves everyone else around can be too (and will see beauty)."  

She then continued to tell me that she's noticed me becoming more comfortable in my skin and how it makes me look even more beautiful.  What an inspiring, uplifting moment!  I'm grateful.

Surrender.  Let go. Be free.

#2:

My other friend Julia is someone who's so in touch with her spiritual side it's a blessing to get her insight.  This morning she sent me a piece of scripture that help create peace in my soul:

“For if that which is done away was glorious, much more that which remaineth is glorious.”  2 Corinthians 3:11

Surrender.  Let go. Be free.

You Only Live Once

There is a list of things that I've been wanting to learn or accomplish and what better way to do it than make a tangible declaration.  This list will forever grow but hopefully I can look back at this and say I did every single one:

1. Learn Italian
2. Travel to Europe
3. Learn to paint (take classes)
4. Learn to sew (take some more classes)
5. Write a book
6. Take dance classes regularly
7. Place a song on the radio or have a famous artist sing a song I wrote
8. Learn to do a backflip (I used to take gymnastics and stopped right before learning this)
9. Learn another language after Italian
10. Bake a cake
11. Interview people who inspire me and document their words of wisdom
12. Buy a nice camera and learn to keep a photo journal
13. Visit an Ashram
14. Visit one new place a year
15. Spend a week in a cabin in the middle of a forrest with no phone or connection to the outside world
16. Go through the temple and regularly do sessions
17. Learn how develop my peacemaking spirit
18. Be a part of a movement or organization I'm passionate about
19. Contribute to a column or online newspaper
20. Take a class on the constitution

What are some things on your list?

The Ultimate Result of Ambition...

I am absolutely loving the transition from summer to fall and wish time would slow down a bit.  This year is rushing by and there's so much to take in.  The goal this year has been to learn more about love and in addition to doing so I've learned a lot about myself, what I want, and my motivations.  Figuring out where to channel my ambition and motivation has been the most difficult part.  I thought my life purpose was to be a big music executive and to have hit songs published.  Although I still love music and like to place songs for fun it doesn't give me that sense of a greater purpose.  My experience in the music business for the past 4 years has jaded me after seeing/ hearing about the ugliest things.  Of course any industry has its bad parts but I haven't felt like I'm really contributing to some greater good by being where I'm at.  Maybe I'll find a fulfilling career in music but as of right now it's important to find what will give me authentic joy and peace.

Fulfillment has been my goal yet outside of music I didn't know myself.  That's all I obsessed about and although I still love music the lifestyle, people, and "game" has me really questioning if it will ultimately make me happy.  Things I enjoy are being creative, having flexibility in my schedule, going outdoors, reading, learning, growing, brainstorming, executing plans for my future, and more.  This year I went to a painting class, sewing class, started re-learning Italian (I promise to pick it up again!), and reading like no other.  Trying to create a new world with a passion other than music was fun yet made me feel chaotic.  Without a clear purpose or direction I felt like my ambition was pointless until I came across this line (from Simple Abundance):

In critical reasoning courses using infinite words like all or none are strongly discouraged because only in rare cases can anyone truthfully use either term (ex: "All dogs have 4 legs" isn't true in all cases so it's faulty reasoning to make a statement like this).  In the spiritual sense it's more than ok to use all because God is the master of infiniteness...He can make anything possible.  So going back to the saying "the ultimate result of all ambition is to be happy at home" is such a bold and solid statement.  Make all your ambition stem from the desire to have a happy life, home, and soul.  Work to support your desire for a welcoming home, pray and spiritually grow in order to provide support and enlightenment to those you love, and actualize your dreams in a way that you can help the common good while living your passion.

Whatever my goal in life, the energy and love put into those efforts should somehow contribute to my happy home (home can mean your literal, physical home or your soul).  I'm my happiest when I'm spiritually in tune with God, when I spend quality time with those I love, or when my actions are contributing to something greater.  This saying has made me re-evaluate everything in my life and question my motives behind why I do or have certain things.  It's so energizing and freeing to act and not be acted upon.  Anything that doesn't contribute to joy will have to change or I must change my attitude in order to receive more joy from life.  

Either way, I can feel the Lord guiding and molding me piece by piece.  I trust in Him enough to know that all He needs is time and an open heart to work with me.  Sure my timeline will be different from others but that's ok.  I have my own story to write and can't wait to see how the Lord guides my ambition.

Give yourself some credit

I've been reading this amazing book called Simple Abundance which has changed my life.  It's a daybook which has separate entries for each day of the year geared towards teaching you how to be authentically you.  I like to slowly digest and practice what I read so its "lesson-a-day" set up works great.  I came across an entry which discusses giving yourself more credit.

Too often we allow ourselves to devalue what we've accomplished in our lives.  Sometimes the desire to have approval from parents and the lack of approval we give ourselves causes us to look to the outside world for that approval.  Is my idea of the perfect life something I truly want? Or is it what I should want?  I can admit that certain parts of my life originate from the need of worldly approval where it's lacking from my parents.  But what a beautiful thing because knowing this distinction can help me unearth who I really am and what motivates me.

I for one am EXTREMELY difficult on myself and feel like I fail all the time.  For so long I equated climbing the corporate latter a success and the pressure I put on myself made me miserable.  Taking a step back, I realized this hunger for business success was from feeling like I had something to prove.  For some reason making tons of money and being able to play with the big boys held my idea of success.  This year that's changed because I wasn't happy with those kinds of thoughts.  I hunger for something greater than that...something that felt more authentic to who I am.

I'm learning to accept and celebrate my life as it is right now.  I'm figuring out what will make me happy without pressure from friends/ family and the expectations the world puts on me.  I graduated college, moved to Los Angeles when I was 18, and successfully chased my dream to work in the music industry.  Now I want to make sure I steer myself in a direction that really speaks to my soul.  The beautiful thing is my accomplishments in this life will continue to be added upon.  My life is uniquely mine and just because it doesn't happen more traditionally than it "should" doesn't mean it's not as fulfilling or right.  I've been taking time this year to discover who I am and there's so many things inside of me that have developed, changed, and improved which is success.   I joined a church which has changed the path of my future.  My spiritual foundation feels more solid and I am eternally grateful.  I have an amazing group of people around me who genuinely care for me which is success.  It's time to give more credit to myself and remember the amazing effect faith can have in my life.

What's the best way to be reminded of what it is we've accomplished? Hang up reminders of course!  I'm going to hang my college degree, print pictures of my loved ones, and display mementos from some of my favorite memories in the music business.  Surrounding yourself with evidence of what you've done is the best way to lift your spirits as you prepare for changes.

I dare you to take inventory of your seemingly small and obviously big accomplishments and proudly display it in your home.  Don't be afraid to admire and appreciate how your life has been so far.  Make plans as to how your life will continue to be amazing and uniquely YOU.

Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

Hello!  So I've been on an inspiration/ self growth kick and came across this wonderful article about a nurse who recorded what her dying patients regretted in the life they were about to leave.  I've copied it below (with the original link at the bottom) and hope it inspires you in some way:

"There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. 

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. 

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again." 

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware: 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it." 

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. 

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence." 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. 

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result." 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying." 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."
What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?"

Original Article from The Guardian

Note to Myself

• Live for something greater.  
• Respect yourself enough to make joy your top priority.   You won't be happy holding yourself back or thinking less of yourself in order to keep certain people in your life.  They will stay if they're meant to.  
• You can choose what inner dialogue affects your life.  Is fear and insecurity overwhelming you?  You don't have to believe it.  If what you feel doesn't inspire you or make you feel good about yourself then ignore it.
• Let it go.  You can't change how people feel or how your life unfolds.  You can control your thoughts, your actions, your reactions, and your relationship with the Lord.  Focus on those.
• Be gentle to yourself and allow the authentic you to develop.  Don't rush through the process of change or growth.  There's room for improvement but it's a life long journey not a short stop along the way.  Love yourself for who you are in this moment.
• Jump and cling to faith in Jesus knowing He can perform all miracles and make what seems impossible possible.  I've had numerous situations feel impossible to overcome yet, through faith in Christ, I was led to a solution that wouldn't have crossed my mind had I not prayed and trusted.  You can't be strong on your own.  Only the Lord can provide the strength you need.
• When you see other people living a life you want, who look incredibly happy, don't feel sorry for yourself and wish that was you.  Celebrate that someone found their joy in life...they probably took a risk to get it.  Take it as a manifestation of the hope that someday you'll have enormous amounts of joy and others will wish they had your life.  
• Refuse to be a spectator.  Jump fully into your life and live as if time is the only thing you have...because it is.  At the end of the day your occupation, money, things you own, and health won't matter.  What will matter is how you feel about the life you lived when you're really old. Did you love as fully as you wanted to?  Did you spend your time wisely?  Did you go after your dreams big or small? 

New Beginnings

This is my first official post since migrating from Tumblr to Blogspot.  I was unable to transfer everything so I'm taking this as a sign to start fresh which ironically is where my life is headed as well.  At the end of the blog I invite you to share your stories, thoughts, ideas so please do!

From January until now,  I've been learning how to love and what an amazing transformation it's been.  I'm in my first real relationship with a wonderful, patient, and loving man who really is an answer to my prayers.  He is by no means perfect but because of him I've been able to know myself more completely: what I deserve, how I can improve, and what it's like to be selfless.  His ability to forgive when I've been wrong and move forward has opened my eyes to what it's like to love and be loved.

I've also discovered what true joy is because of the insurmountable pain I've experienced.  The difficulties that arose within my relationship and the uncomfortable feelings associated with figuring out who I am caused me to suffer which opened a part of my soul in a way that I was able to receive the greatest light.  There's something poetic about needing to be completely broken to receive the greatest personal revelations.  I learned so much about myself, how life works, and how total dependence on the Lord brings much blessings.  I'd rather skip the suffering altogether but now I feel more complex, compassionate, and humble.  The trials have exposed parts of me I didn't know existed: unwanted attitudes, beliefs, and roadblocks but also beautiful, vulnerable areas of me.

I've read books about love (The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm), happiness (The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin), and authenticity (Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach).  I've prayed, practiced, and stumbled my way to what true happiness and love means in my life.  I now try to have moments of quiet, less things scheduled on my calendar, and more quality time with those I love.  Facebook is no longer a priority, my finances are in order (Dave Ramsey's budgeting tools have given me immense financial freedom), and relying on the Lord for happiness and fulfillment has produced tremendous blessings.  I discovered that I held other's opinions too highly and felt out of control of my own life.

There's so much experience ahead for me and a great life to be lived.  What a blessing it is to overcome and expand.  I pray for strength, humility, and confidence in the road that lies ahead.  I love hearing others' stories: their struggles, triumphs, and lessons.  If you feel inclined I'd love to hear about lessons you've learned this year as well.